im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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