wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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