Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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