So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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