Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
