drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
