trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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