i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
