Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
