The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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