I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
