Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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