he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
