I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
