i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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