I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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