i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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