i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
