He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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