I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
