She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
