Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
