Someone shit on the floor
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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