We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
