There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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