my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
