But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
