I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
