so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
