I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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