I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
