I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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