Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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