I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
