i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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