if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I could fuck to npr.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
