I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
