If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
