dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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