Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need moral support for this bender
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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