Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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