do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
