it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
