and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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