You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
