ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
