Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
