The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
