Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I just put wine in my tea
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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