Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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