I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
