Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
