I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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