Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.