There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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