Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

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(831): View more from California

Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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(713): View more from Texas

Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.

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(513): View more from Ohio

So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...

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25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(614): View more from Ohio

Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart

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(440): View more from Ohio

Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now

(440): View more from Ohio

Ps I am

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(248): View more from Michigan

my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits

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(317): View more from Indiana

I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.

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