last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun