I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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