i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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