the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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