The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
