I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
