It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
