I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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