you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
