he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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