and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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