You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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